Periscope Eyes...

 Mercy spent the afternoon crouched as if to spring in the front room, checking out ducks, squirrels. geckos and the odd dog dragging its human on via a leash. Her eyes became saucers and her little head moved back and forth so often I thought she might get dizzy.

She's presently in dreamland, a state I envy since it is after 1 AM. She's started sleeping in her stroller, right next to my bed and very convenient should she desire to push me to feed her courtesy of a flying foot.

I did some chores and read today. Groceries are due Sunday. I'm living on salads, soups and some ready-made items. My cooking gene is in hiding, it seems.

Thanks for the supportive comments. Have a good day.

Not feelin' it...

 I've not been myself lately. I don't seem to sleep consistently and appear to do more often during the day. Each stretch is 3 to 4 hours depending upon the call of nature and I have difficulty returning to sleep. This pattern is noted among the elderly, so I am not surprised given that the typical lifespan for me as a person living disabled by CP is 30 to 70 years and has been less until my generation. 

Considered geriatric at 45, I am currently almost 67. No-one of my acquaintance living disabled has reached 70 and in my present state. that milestone isn't likely for me either, hence the need to tend to my affairs prior to surgery. 

Though the surgery may rid me of cancer, that isn't a given until the cancer is staged, the lymph nodes are examined and the need for further treatment determined. The surgery can lead to lymphedema, problems related to urinary incontinence, bladder prolapse and other issues in persons of my present condition, especially in the event that my surgeon needs to cut me from hip to hip rather than taking a less invasive approach. She needs to see the lay of the cells and spread once I am laid on the table before reaching a decision about that.

Then there are the myriad issues accompanying anesthesia for persons having my disability. This requires planning, understanding the patient's previous reactions and experiences in surgeries and in my case, because medical folks dispense addictive opioids, any family history of addiction or alcohol use disorder. An epidural anesthesia has been suggested for me. This poses additional risks in itself and may be tricky given my long existing scoliosis.

Perhaps at this point you may begin to grasp the complexity of issues for me. I regret that I am older going through this, that I am exhausted and that I am at the mercy of the American insurance and healthcare system, that some of you as former medical professionals label a s--t sho-. Though I cannot disagree, it is not helpful to hear or read.

This post is the last one to discuss surgery and related issues as I desire some privacy around them at this time. 

I hope you all are happy and able to enjoy each day.

Happy Thursday!

Amid the normal postal detritus...

 A special postcard arrived today, from Canada. Bearing scenes of great beauty, the message of love and light touched my heart.

Thank you!

Happy Hearts Day...

 

I finally heard from the attorney and copies of legal documents arrived. He still has some tasks to see to and after signing in early December. I can say he is a bit less concerned about the pace of things getting done than other attorneys I've had. 

Other than that, things are moving apace, and not in the best direction for me as Moffitt has terminated its relationship to my Medicare provider as of July 1, so I need to investigate options. This adds more stress to an already  quite stressful situation. Should I need more treatment after surgery, I'll  likely need different providers.

As far as the flat is concerned, I may rid myself of more items and a couple bits of furniture. So far, I miss nothing that has gone out the door. Sleep has been problematic and so napping has become routine. I also meditate and spend time entertaining Mercy. She has been sleeping next to me on cooler nights.

Goodnight and Happy Valentine's Day to those celebrating!