While much has been written about this, it remains a subject of ongoing research from many quarters. What has been learned thus far is that gratitude and its practice changes the brain, advances feelings of well being, is strongly linked to love and happiness, deepens relationships, increases empathy while decreasing aggression, builds self-esteem and mental strength and is good for both physical and psychological health. People who give and count their blessings also tend to sleep better.
I've been writing gratitude lists for years and while doing so initially felt awkward, with time, I found that doing so re-focused my attention the small but important positive connections, activities and feelings in my day and as one of several hedges against chronic pain, gratitude helped stave off the deeper depression that can accompany such a scenario. Over time, the rote list of being grateful for home, comfort, cat, friends, family and good days expanded and I found myself looking at the smallest parts of my life with new eyes.
Today is one example. Ib opened my door to a cheerful delivery person who, upon giving me a dinner order, followed that up with a cup of decaf. On the cup was a smiley face, my name and hers. She knows I like decaf and while it isn't on the delivery menu, when she has my delivery order, an extra cup always comes with it. She is kind and very easy to chat to. My orders are always correct and I never forget to tip. She even noticed my latest haircut. She got a beaming smile and I am now thinking about what else I might do for her.
This brings me to the chat with a friend mentioned earlier. Rather than noting the things most of us are lucky to enjoy, she put a new twist on the matter by asking what I was fortunate enough to be able to give. Emphasizing that giving was not just about money, she suggested I attempt another list.
This included but was not limited to:
Smiling. helping a neighbor, playing with Lukas, calling two friends, writing two letters. helping a kid with a book recommendation...
Sound trite? Try it yourself for a week and see what you come up with. If you're feeling brave, include your efforts in the Comments.
Cheers...
A place which makes me smile...
16 comments:
That is a truly beautiful place, I smiled just looking at it. Thank you.
Gratitude is a gift which keeps on giving isn't it?
I am grateful for so many things, not least that I CAN still give.
My volunteer work (both on the crisis line and providing peer support for others with the dread disease) are both hugely important to me. As is chatting with the elderly woman who sells blooms in the city (and occasionally buying her flowers). I donate food to the homeless centre and have taken to giving a sausage roll to the homeless man (and his dog) who stake out a corner which is on my way to my shift on the crisis line. Add to this the beauty which fills my world and I am rich. Richer than I could ever have dreamed. I do hope this comment is neither too long or self obsessed.
i love your mindset on giving.
I don't think your examples sound trite. It's the little things that make up most of life. Your example of the delivery person and the decaf reminded me when my mother got Meals on Wheels delivery in her elderly years. They knew that she especially like the heal from a loaf of bread and always made sure she got one with her meal. She noticed and was happy.
I think most of us do little things every day to help others. A couple of my examples. My sister's dog walker can't come today, so I'm stopping by to walk her dog. I sent a get well card to my friend's mother in Germany who's having a hard time after an operation. It was a total surprise and she wasn't even sure who I was, but it made her week.
My husband and I try to help someone every weekend with something. It usually involves a friend who needs extra hands to do something around their house. Recently, he helped someone put up a shelf while I helped sort some boxes. Another time, we helped unload a big thing from the car. Sometimes we spend all day and sometimes just a little bit. We used to do this regularly then our own life got in the way. Now we're trying to do it regularly again.
Thanks for the reminder to be grateful for the help we receive and the help we can give others.
That IS an interesting exercise. I probably need to do more of that sort of thing. It's too easy to get caught up in the frustrations of daily living without taking a step back and thinking about how much is going right!
You are not the first blogger who has posted about gratitude. Before now it has never occurred to me to ‘count my blessings’, but a list of things to be grateful for sounds quite different. The past three years of my life have been miserable but things are looking up and I certainly have much? a bit? something? to be grateful for. I shall have a go and feel like putting it in a post.
And giving? well giving is not given to me and rarely/never have I felt inclined to list any good deeds but perhaps I should? Or could? Would it make me feel good? To give for the sake of feeling good?
I can see that there may be lot to think about.
Thanks.
Yes, I totally agree! I actually have a gratitude journal that I write in every day. Some days it can include a simple thing that I'm grateful for like my first coffee of the morning. But it's a reminder that there is something to be grateful for every single day, no matter how big or small. This regular practice keeps me balanced and joyful. And going through life that way is much easier!
Its a good mindset e as it imparts a sense of personal wellbeing too. I have been trying to approach life this way the past year, esp, as my last work place became rather toxic. I am able to show kindness and gratitude in most of my interactions, but workplaces are strange places with the 'cliques', so I try not to get too hung up on childish stuff like that as you can't change other peoples attitides, only how you behave. Have you see this Action for Happiness calendar - Joyful June. I take a gander at it every other day as a reminder - google it.
That is wonderful, and no, neither too long nor self-obsessed. Thanks for chiming in.
Thank you for your interest and sharing!
Let me know if you do. I think it would make an interesting post from a Buddhist perspective.
Always nice to hear from you and I'm glad things are looking up these days.
I agree. Thanks for your interest and always kind comments.
I'll look for that calendar. Thanks for mentioning it here. I've had my share of toxic work places, so agree with you there. Thanks for stopping by!
Thank you!
This is a lovely piece and I will indeed remember to think about both giving and being grateful. They're two sides of the same coin after all.
That's a really interesting twist on gratitude. I will bear that in mind when I'm counting my blessings.
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