It has been a busy and strange seven months since I've written here. I had a cross-country trip with the partner and dog of the young man who died in my house to attend his burial and pay my respects to his family. That was interesting and fraught with problems, laughter, tears, and unexpected revelations. I do not know why my young friend died, nor does his partner. As his legal next of kin, his mother has not shared any information from his autopsy report and that is her right.
My return home meant dealing with symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder stemming from these events, and the subsequent loss of three more individuals from various parts of my life over the last months. I continue to support those I can emotionally but have dialed back other activities so that I can have the time and space to take care of myself as well.
I have not written much except in journals, which will remain private but I thank all of you who responded to the initial situation with care and concern. Though my writing here may be sporadic, I do intend to return as time allows.
8 comments:
it is important to take care of yourself
and i know it how unsettling it must be as well
not to know....
I have made my peace with that. Thanks.
I'm glad you re-entered blogland, even if only briefly. I wondered how you were doing. Has anyone asked the mother for the autopsy results? It seems that both you and his partner (certainly!) have a right to know what happened. But if she refuses I guess you can't force it. (Although -- aren't autopsy results a public record? They used to be but maybe the law is different now.) In any case, I'm glad you're back and writing again.
It must be frustrating that you don't know the exact cause of death. For one thing, you must wonder if you contributed to it in some way. It would be reassuring to know that wasn't the case. Sorry to hear of the others you've lost. Very sensible to dial back on blogging while you're sorting yourself out.
I do know that I did not contribute in any way to his death. Had I done so, the cops would have been back, and they have not.
You say "Though my writing here may be sporadic, I do intend to return as time allows..." I was talking to a fellow blogger I know offline as well as on. We'd both taken breaks from blogging and he was saying how the blogging community never seems to mind its members vanishing and then resurfacing. One can write it's useful to and one has time to, or not, if it isn't and one hasn't.
Looking forward to your next post - whenever it is! :)
Delighted to 'see' you again....though late responding thanks to a thunderbolt alongside the house grilling the modem.
You have had a miserable time...and please, while caring for others do care for yourself.
I am glad that you have returned to blogging (as the two subsequent posts show) I am also glad that your latest post appeared on my reader. Blogs have been appearing and disappearing at random off my list and off my reader, and I really can't discover what is the matter. I'm continuing to try.
It would have been better if the deceased young man's mother had shared with you, I feel, but who knows what is going on in her mind? It would be so hard for her. Are there any voluntary bereavement organisations that can help with the PTSD aspect?
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