Hit In The Face Yet Again...

It was a simple Saturday outing to the library...I had nothing left on the bedside table to read and wanted a good two-hours browsing at my regional...I'm especially fond of history, poetry, biography and the odd novel. I love to wander the aisles looking for DVDs or catching up on favourite magazines or newspapers.

After checking out eight items, and spending a bit reading, I ventured out to meet the bus. Book propped open on my lap, I was thusly engrossed when a familiar Florida drawl assailed my ears.

It was a former land lady, someone with whom I had lived twenty-five years ago and spent many years thereafter befriending. She is 92 or so now and was among a a small group emerging from the library. She did not appear to notice me, nor did I say anything to attract her attention.

The reason? She chose to disappear from my life entirely in late 2009 when it was determined by my doctor and two physiotherapists that I should use a wheelchair. Though she was hardly the first to do so, her departure was abrupt and complete, without so much as a by-your-leave. Matters were complicated when before exiting, she made a pronouncement to me that her adult granddaughter should never marry her Jewish boyfriend because it would cause too many problems...

And, she could not cope with anymore sadness...Why, exactly, my life's transition had to be a source of sadness when it had nothing to do with her, is beyond me. By that point, however, my bullshit meter was going full force, and several steps ahead of her, I could see where this was leading.

She is a card-carrying liberal in other respects and fancies herself "enlightened."
If this bigotry passes for enlightenment, I am fortunate to be shed of this relationship. At the time, however, all I could think was how sad that people become trapped in their pre-conceived notions, whether related to disability, aging, religion or what have you.

I ceased to be a person and a friend and became a problem and one with which she "could not cope." This situation is not at all uncommon for those with disabilities, particularly wheelchair users. From my conversations with other wheelchair users, apparently the wheelchair is a symbol of ultimate disablement in the minds of many.

While having my chair has changed how I get around, having it enables me to continue getting out and doing things, a fact lost on otherwise perceptive individuals. I also live in and maintain my own flat. I do use a cleaner once a month and enlist the help of a cabbie once a week to get groceries. Other than that, I'm on my own. My extended family lives elsewhere and while I am cordial to them, we are not close. I do have very good friends here and though social and community-minded, I also value my privacy and I'm not one to demand attention or "rescue" from the vicissitudes of life.

From my perspective, life is a great leveler. I am confronting issues and situations that many hope never touch them. Life changes with age and time and though I am a mere 53, I hope to have many more productive years and friends who value my gifts and presence in their lives. That said, there is much work to be done to shift ignorance regarding persons with disabilities. I am a person first, not a problem to be sorted or someone whose lot in life should be pitied.

And, yet, there I sat on an overcast Saturday, hit in the face again with the view that somehow I was so much of problem for someone that my presence could not be tolerated. I and millions more like me are here to stay. Our numbers are growing daily and may someday include you, dear reader. If I do nothing else until the day I drop, I hope that somehow my presence will shed some light on antiquated and hurtful notions, dispelling them completely.

From The Terrifying To The Moronic...

Since reading of the Boston bombings earlier this week, I've felt out of sorts...Almost as if I am in slow motion. I had a friend in that city whose life will be forever changed, thanks to these events and while I am not free to disclose the particular details, we had a heartfelt if somewhat teary conversation on Tuesday.

Words are inadequate to express the sense of futility I feel regarding humankind and our attachment to extremes in idea, attitude and action. Why Boston? Why the marathon? Why runners and onlookers who as of this writing presumably have no connection to those responsible for this senseless atrocity?

No reason or ideal will ever be enough to justify these acts of violence, whether they be in Boston, New York, or any other world city. That said, however, U.S. national legislators have let the citizenry down yet again by failing to pass a measure that would have tightened background checks for those wanting handguns. I suppose the U.S. is now to be the largest and most gun-toting nation where any extremist, anyone who is mentally unstable, can obtain weapons, shoot up campuses or primary schools and leave Congresspersons such as Ms. Giffords of Arizona shot in the head during a public appearance.

It seems those in charge have learned nothing from these and other more recent and tragic examples. This is a country where children die for their parents rights to bear arms. It is a country in which so-called leaders are more concerned with their own re-elections and party agendas than with the desires and well-being of those whom they purport to represent.