Knowing I have an animal who will die from disease is a line between the happiness of best life and no suffering for the cat. Depending upon diagnosis, there is anticipatory grief which in Lukas's case, I had for the last three years of his life. On his last day, he was in bed with me, never touching food, water, treats, and snuggling deeply into my person, purring. After attempting to feed him, I gave up and called the vet and the pet sitter for transport.
His vet and I came to the mutual conclusion that it was time to ease him from the world without suffering. After almost ninety days, the grief I feel is as profound as the bond Lukas and I shared through all of his care, and the joy eclipsed by a diagnosis and myriad complications which led to euthanasia.
Our sweetest times were often late at night, listening to the steady rumble of purrs. the small sounds he made while dreaming or his bringing a toy into bed to play. Typical of orange tabbies, Lukas loved to eat, whether a meal or a treat, he was always up for nibbles, until that last day.
I have two portraits, paw prints, some toys and his favorite mat as well as his much-loved blankets and litter box at the back of my closet. Not a day has gone by that I don't look at his portrait or a photo and though I well up, I feel a small smile start these days.
A friend recently said that I gave him his best life. I hope so because that was my goal and his trust my greatest treasure.
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10 comments:
I'm glad you're now able to write about Lukas. He was such a friend, and while you gave him a great life, he gave back to you. I feel as if I knew him, from following your account of him here.
I know that letting him go was probably the hardest thing you've ever had to do. But it was the right thing and it was also the strong thing. You did it because of your love for him and your knowledge that he did trust you to tend to him as he wanted and needed to be tended.
It's always heartbreaking, but caring for a pet with medical issues puts the grief in a different level. At least that is what I found myself. Not only did you give him the best life, you gave him a longer life, one that he still enjoyed. Then when he didn't, you helped him go in peace. I'm happy you are starting to have a smile.
Beautiful photos of your beautiful boy. I am so glad that small smiles are returning. Your post has made me more than a bit misty this morning. I well remember those last days with our Jazz, and the pain (for me) of knowing his time had come and that I had an obligation to ensure he was in no pain.
Huge hugs.
I can feel how much you miss him. You were great comrades.
You were his "Trusted Person". There's no greater Honor.
It's dificult to write about it e, I am so happy that you gave him a splendid life and he enhanced yours. It's a terrible thing to let go of our beloved pets. I still cry for my Ansa, but the tears also have gratitude for the love and trust she gave me to do her right at the end. They leave permanent footprints on our hearts.
Huge hug
XO
WWW
Aww...losing a loved pet is so hard. Thanks for sharing.
I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your Lucas!
Judging by the pictures he was so sweet, it could melt the heart.
May his soul rest in peace, and may your memories of him strenghten you at this time of grief!
What beautiful pictures of a lovely cat. I am so sorry for his loss, but you absolutely HAVE given him the best life any cat could ever hope for, and he is continuing to live in your heart. I am glad that now you feel you can smile when you see him. He gave you such a lot, too, it is well worth smiles.
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