Amid the surreal backdrop of COVID 19, my anxiety, and the weird hypervigilance I noticed building in the last week,and which is also a feature of the aftermath of trauma, I was slicing tofu into a dish when I sneezed. Just once.
Suddenly, my brain was in overdrive. Am I sick? Do I feel like something is wrong? Different? Am I getting a cold? Is this something worse?
I had to stop, take a breath and calm myself. My cat, who has become a champion sleeper, roused himself and made it into the kitchen just as the first of many tears leaked silently down my face. He licked my hand as the tears flowed and I wondered where the resilient woman I've been for quite some time had, at least temporarily, retreated...
While I know this is stress related, somehow that does not make it any easier. From where I sit, it has never been easy as a disabled woman. Now approaching sixty-one, I know that something of the magnitude of this virus could potentially take me out and coming to terms with that nugget of truth is difficult to say the least. Add to that the jumpiness and uncertainty of the economy and the potential impact to personal finances for a retired as in can-no-longer-work individual, and you have me.
I also feel for those who are sick and others who carry this virus as yet without knowing it.May we all see the future, whatever it may be...
19 comments:
E I'm so sorry. Yes, probably those tears have been waiting to happen. Every day is a challenge for you at the best of times. And we just have to stop and sob, in order to get back in balance. We don't have to be brave little soldiers all the time. You have such a resilient attitude that you need to let yourself cry now and then. We're here for you. Those of us who are alone get it. Especially seeing our hard earned savings dwindle. I think it's a sign of emotional intelligence to give way now and then.
Sending you love and tons of vibes.
A sneeze is just your body's reaction to something that irritates your bronchi. Try to keep that thought in mind.
But yes, I think this is making us all think about our mortality more than ever.
Stress is getting to everyone these days. I hope it is coming in waves and you are having some distractions along the way. Last night I dreamed all of these people kept hugging me although I asked them not to and I was quite upset. Yes, I think I'm experiencing more anxiety than normal.
Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring.
I STILL have the cough and cold I picked up over five weeks ago. Now to add to the discomfort on the rare occasions I am near anyone else I make them afraid.
I do hope your one and only sneeze is just that.
This is such uncharted territory, only the truly stupid would not be afraid. I'm glad you have Lukas there for diversion, and that we have each other's backs in Blogland. Thinking of you, e. If you ever want a listening ear, or a distraction, please feel free to email me at newjennyo@gmail.com . We must stick together, even those of us who have only met online.
Look, this is a scary time. We're all anxious in our own way. I'm sorry you had that moment. (For what it's worth, I don't think nasal symptoms like sneezing are an early sign of COVID, but I can see why you'd be nervous nonetheless.)
e, I am so sorry to read this and I really don't know what to say to say it will all be well, but noone knows and yes, indeed there are people like you who are a lot more vulnerable. I have never heard my husband ever speak about his mortality, until recently (he has underlying health conditions) and its frightening. Please know that I am thinking of you at this time and hope we will all try and get through it x
Sneezing is among the array of symptoms and it can be a sign, according to CDC and other sources. Fortunately, it appears to have been an isolated event. It is now estimated that up to 50 percent of those infected as yet show no symptoms at all.
Thank you. That is very kind. I hope D and you weather this time well, and yes, it is frightening to realize how much more vulnerable one is in this situation. It means a lot that you can acknowledge that for me and for your husband. Hugs.
Thanks.
Thank you. You'll be hearing soon.
Sending a virtual hug that cannot infect or upset to you today! Thanks.
I am so sorry for you having a cold now. That must be worrisome to you with all of this going on. Hugs.
Thank you, I will!
It's a very stressful time. It's perfectly okay to feel scared and even more okay to let the tears flow. Tears are very cleansing. Sending you virtual - but very warm - hugs.
Thank you! Sending one your way, too!
I'm so sorry for this stress that you have to go through and it's just not easy.
Thank you. I hope you stay well!
It makes you feel any better sneezing isn't a symptom of the virus anyway. It's a dry cough and a fever. Some people have also said you may lose your sense of smell and taste.
Let's hope and pray we all survive this awful virus.
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