Saturday, August 20, 2016

What is the best way to tell someone to take a flying leap?

My pain has gone down, but is still there. Normally, by this point in any past flare up, that would not be the case. I have two further appointments this week. I hope to leave at zero. We'll see.

In other news, I have a former neighbor whose partner died in my home on a visit three years ago. During our trip to the burial, money was lent for expenses and while most has been re-paid, nothing was put forward from December to August when I finally contacted the individual and asked to work out a payment plan for the remainder, which is under five hundred dollars.

I do not, as a general rule, lend money and was apparently unwise to have done so in this situation. We agreed on ten dollars per week, which considering his full time employment,   is generous. The debt was accrued three years ago and no interest is attached.

Two checks have been sent, one of which has a "Stop Payment" attached to it. It came in a letter from my financial institution, along with a deduction from my account of a further $29 in fees. So, it has cost me almost three times the value of of the original check and at this point, I've sent an e-mail to this person asking about the stop payment and advising him of the additional charges. I've also spoken to his institution which will get a message to him.

The level of aggravation to me in dealing with this is simply stupid and at this juncture, I'm strongly tempted to tell this person that he has re-paid my original kindness to him with aggravation I don't need and that he can F----Off. I believe that he, for reasons I won't go into, is trying to force a level of contact with me that I do not want and I do not fully trust him. The death in my home caused trauma and has been hard to deal with but the long and short of it is that I think both individuals had issues and the one remaining will not see a grief counselor and has no ambition to change his economic circumstances despite increasing financial strain which he appears to create the bulk of himself.

Creating this stress for me has cost me money and has lost him any semblance of regard I may once have had for him. I don't know which of us is the bigger idiot, but I'm furious.

And Finally...

The e-mail sent to my former neighbor:
Since you had no courtesy to warn me about the stop payment for a ten dollar check and likely knew that I would be assessed fees for your stop payment and you obviously are not going to comply with our agreement, I am going to walk away from this and from you, permanently despite the financial loss to me.

Had you been as appreciative as you claimed, you would not have done this and might have instead waited to send a check when you were solvent. I am not going to pay fees for your financial insolvency, stupidity or manipulation. You clearly have problems which I cannot help you with and at this point have no further interest in because you are causing problems for me and I no longer trust you.

I ask that you NOT contact me by letter, e-mail, phone, the Internet or any other means ever again. Your behavior shows little honesty or care for the kindness you have received from me either with this loan or in the past and little understanding of the impact this situation has had on me.

You have exhausted my patience, goodwill and sympathy. I am smart enough to know that you may have done this on purpose hoping that I would walk away. If that is so, my peace of mind is worth more to me than what you owe. 

20 comments:

Elephant's Child said...

Ouch. Kindness met with selfishness. manipulation, deceit and greed. I would be furious too. I am furious on your behalf. And I would almost certainly give in to the temptations you are feeling. It doesn't sound as if he contributes anything positive to your life. And you don't need the negatives.

e said...

I fully agree with you. He has never matured apparently. Why he would ask for a stop payment is beyond me if as he said in the subject line of the check, "I appreciate all that you have done."

This makes me think he is trying to force contact or a reaction from me...He wants things to be as they once were but having been lied to by his partner and not fully trusting him for various reasons means that that is not possible. Now, all I want is to be rid of him and of this situation, which is what he may be counting on...

Jenny Woolf said...

Sickening when this kind of thing happens. I hope that you can afford to absorb the loss and get him out of your life. No excuse for this behaviour.

Wisewebwoman said...

Oh I a so upset for you. Outraged. What a callous creep. $10 per week is a coffee and a bunch. Deeper issues. It depends on whether you can afford to write it off or not.or take him to small claims court. I know further aggro.
XO
WWW

e said...

At this point, it is worth it to me to take the loss and tell him to go fuck himself, pardon the vernacular. Thanks for your visit and you're right. An adult does not behave in this way.

e said...

There is no paper trail or promissory note, so nothing for any court other than a check. Out of luck there but he also does not live in the same community, so small claims would not work. Live and learn...Will not be doing this again for anyone.

The Happy Whisk said...

Fuck him. He is clutter. You don't need clutter.

e said...

You're correct and that is what is going to happen.

The Happy Whisk said...

Clutter comes in all shapes and sizes. Here's to ditching yours.

e said...

Thanks! I hope he goes for good!

the walking man said...

Been there, done that too e. $1700 worth of being there and having "it" done to me. Without belaboring the details the decedents family assured me that "once her insurance checks came through..." Well the 2 checks came through and went right up her children's arm.

We all live in a hell of our own making, I count it good fortune, the elder mother is not still sitting in a morgue freezer and her children...simply are not my problem (they are all mid-fifties). If it cost me $1700 to untie the convoluted family relationship then I count it as money well spent not lost.

Steve Reed said...

It's a shame to have to walk away from the money, never mind the friend. But I understand that sometimes it's better to move on, just for your own sanity. I can't imagine putting a stop payment on a $10 check -- I mean, a stop payment costs money to the account holder, doesn't it? He probably paid more than the check was worth to stop the payment. As one of your commenters said above, deeper issues!

Secret Agent Woman said...

That's unfortunate. I don't understand him not just asking you to hold the check until the money was there for it to clear. With those things the lost money is a problem, but being treated like that is worse.

e said...

Yup---also cost me. Probably his way of telling me f--you. I am fortunate it wasn't worse. I also had to pay fees of $29 for his stunt.

e said...

Sorry you went through that but as you say, money well spent if you have peace of mind.

e said...

Misplaced anger??? Lying???Never able to manage his life or finances properly???

alphabet soup said...

Your email sets out quite clearly and comprehensively the method of Taking a Flying Leap.
It is not always possible to make the right decision in the moment; however I am sure you have made the right one now.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Ms Soup

e said...

Thanks for your visit and comment. I quite agree.

Toni said...

You were so much nicer than I would have been. What a kind soul you are.

e said...

Not anymore...