Born in one country
Raised in another.
I am at home
Everywhere
and
Nowhere.
Moving house four times before age ten
meant
A sea of shifting faces for a quiet kid
Who preferred the solace of a book
To the whispers of her peers
As a child, I only knew that I loved the
sounds of thick foliage rustling, rain, frog song and the constancy of cicadas
at night, lilting Bajan, rapid-fire Spanish, and old Jamaican ladies
clickety-clacking their way home on the train.
This was originally part of a longer poem condemned as being "too prosaic" by a group of English educators. What do you think? Any suggestions for a title?
Until Next Time...
24 comments:
Too prosaic? Sigh.
The little things are huge for many of us - something I think is not recognised often enough. Thick foliage rustling, rain, cicadas and the pages of a book spell home just a clearly as the proverbial apple pie...
"SHIFTING FACES" CAPTURES THE MESSAGE FOR ME. (SORRY, CAPS ARE LOCKED FOR WHO KNOWS WHAT REASON. I'M NOT SHOUTING, HONEST).
MY CHILDHOOD WAS SIMILAR.
I would like to read the rest of it before it was judged.
One wonders what them offering the critique of this piece of poetry had for breakfast that morning? I also wonder why so very many poets take to heart the criticism of others? I am a HS graduate, I know many many people who actively work on their fame and recognition as modern poets who have their MFA's but seem to regurgitate the same poem in different words, a PhD. or three who find a genre, style or voice but never seem to be able to break away from what worked in getting them published. *Meh* Frost would have condemned this piece as prose with odd line breaks. Sandburg would have said this is a piece of poetry from the heart of a poet.
I find that them who love form rarely see the function and them who define function with their words generally speaking never conform to a definable form.
The function (which I adore) is beautifully defined and distinct. It is clear that this poem relates to them who by choice or circumstance "wander." I did not need the small iconography you posted e to understand and agree with the poetic intent.
It is clearly outed in "a quiet kid
Who preferred the solace of a book
To the whispers of her peers"
Loneliness finds its own comforts.
My only criticism of this, and understand that it is personal preference, I never ever begin a line with a cap unless there is a preceding period. I used to not punctuate anything, now I punctuate everything and find I prefer to use punctuation as a means of giving a reader a chance to pause and think.
That's my critique--I could refine it to the short version and just say Honi soit qui mal y pense.
Sorry but titles are important and very personal to me ergo I shall not offer up any suggestions, you have the full poem and within its understanding you also have the title.
Its message gets over to me....don't these people see the deep effects of experience on a child?
This is so beautiful! I'd love to read the rest.
I don't have a suggestion for the title but I do fancy the sound of leaves. They are one of my relaxing sounds. As in, when I hear them, my whole body relaxes and loves it.
Great to read your post. Happy weekend.
I concur with that thought!
What a marvellous poem and memory. Thanks.
Greetings from London.
Thank you for taking the time to read and reply. It is appreciated. Since this is truncated from the original, I will work on it. The original has been divided into three separate poems and the others are mere fragments at this point, which I will finish in some fashion. I do get what you mean about the title and the caps.
Nope...nor did they see the effects of three surgeries and other things...
Thank you. The original poem was split into three separate poems...work in progress!
Gracias...and greetings to you!
How wonderful. Happy weekend to you, too!
Until the next time, yea cool poetic
I would like to read the whole thing, too. It's lovely.
Nice to meet someone else who loved the sound of cicadas...
I was born and mostly raised in one country but all over it, and lots of traveling. So I also feel like I'm from everywhere and nowhere.
And a mola! My grandfather had three of them framed, that he brought back from when he lived in Panama, and I have one of them hanging on my sunporch now.
Stopped in to say howdy and see what you're up to.
That's it for now, I am afraid. Best to you.
Thank you!
Always soothing to me...Thanks for visiting.
Very nice...most people I meet don't know what those are. I'm glad you have that memento.
I don't think it is prosaic at all. How surprising they would have said that. I felt it conveyed a very strong atmosphere, specially the Jamaican ladies and the frogs and the rain.
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