Several bloggers have, of late, mentioned feeling "stuck"... for new ideas, something exciting to share or a shift in perspective. I have been feeling that way myself for quite some time, not solely in the realm of blogging, but the rest of my life.
In fact, were I completely truthful, I would have to concede anger born of frustration, change in mobility and lack of clear direction for the future as well as constantly contending with misperceptions regarding wheelchair users.
It seems the wider world views me, despite my education, well-roundedness and skills, as "less than" an able-bodied peer of the same age and background. I was sitting outside the other day enjoying a rare moment of rain-free skies when a stranger drove alongside and threw coins in my lap.
Never a beggar or busker, I thought this odd, and in attempting to return the currency, met with the most vicious stare I've ever encountered as the woman drove away...
On another occasion, I was eating lunch outdoors when a man approached my table and asked to join me. When I wondered aloud if we had met previously, he answered no, that he simply did not want to eat alone, and hoped I would not mind a bit of company?
The question hung in the air between us until I gently gestured for him to take the opposite chair, and asked whether he often dined with strangers. His reply of, "There are no strangers, only those who have not met," I found cliched but let pass, while assessing the time it would take me to finish my lunch.
He ordered, and our conversation turned from polite chatter about the weather to our respective backgrounds. Upon hearing that I was a writer as well as a librarian, he actually scratched his head as if confused and said,"How do you do that from a chair?"
My reply along the lines of librarianship being multi-faceted and that there were many jobs one could perform as a chair user, drew inordinately loud laughter. At this point, appetite distinctly on the wane, I asked for my check, paid the waiter and rolled away, supremely disappointed to have spent any time in his company...
I might feel sorry for him were it not for the fact that potential employers also evidently share his level of ignorance. They don't laugh out loud because they can be sued...
Bizarre la vie, ce ...
15 comments:
Shhhh, I'm not here....
Except to say hello and "What the hell, man?" and "Let's go to Paris."
And never come back? :(
It's very odd this idea that because you're a wheelchair user (a) you're stupid (b) there's practically nothing you can do except sit in your wheelchair (c) you're a constant liability. Where do people get these ridiculous ideas from?
I don't know if I've ever mentioned that my sister Heather is also a wheelchair user, and of course she gets all the same false assumptions. Particularly frustrating when as you described, you think you've met someone sympathetic and they turn out to be just as prejudiced as the rest.
was he just truly curious? i dunno. we are people, and in doing so size people up by what we see on th eoutside, assessing limitation, putting together the pecking order so we feel better about ourselves...not sayin its right, just saying it happens.
In a name..."Dr. Stephen Hawkings"...damn those that look down upon the disabled!
And bee-yoo-ti-ful snap :) HUGS!
Wow, that is really appalling! I think something just wasn't right about that guy -- who sits down that way with a complete stranger and then gets insulting?
He was actually wondering how you could be a writer and librarian in a chair? Why couldn't you be? That's just bizarre.
I am sorry that others perceive you as something less than you are due to your disability. (I am pretty new here and have no idea why you are in a chair, but I figure it qualifies as a disability in any case.)
Unfortunately people do this sort of thing all the time:
- "that black guy might rob me"
- "damn she's hot; is probably dumb as a post"
- "you just can't trust those Chinese people"
- "look at those clothes; she must be a slut"
- "that Middle Eastern looking guy might be a terrorist"
- etc.
And, of course, the bits you experience.
Prejudgment seems to be wired into our brains as a way of dealing with the virtually infinite number of things reality pushes at us every minute and every day. (Not the specific prejudgments, but the circuity to develop them.) Jeff Hawkins in "On Intelligence" refers to the brain as a prediction engine. I won't go into the details of this here, but it does align with my own thoughts about how the brain works. (There is simply too much stimuli to actually process it all bottom up.)
Some people are very good at figuring out which prejudgments to discard (that black man might rob me) and which to hold onto (that burner is glowing red; it must be hot). In fact, I think some do this processing without necessarily being conscious of it. Some people are not so good at this. Those that do not have this skill naturally need to be pretty introspective to compensate. For many it is just too much work.
Regardless, I am sorry for the position that puts you in personally. (And I am sorry for rambling in your blog instead of writing my own. :) )
I too feel somewhat angry when people stare and move aside as I walk down a sidewalk because of my somewhat lurching gait. It's even more evident when I have my cane in hand. I don't want anyone's pity, just as you obviously don't either. I don't think people mean to act the way they do. I wonder if I was ever guilty of the same kind of behavior? Having physical restrictions of any kind promotes understanding, don't you think?
Megan: Hi! Let me know how the moving house is going, etc...WTF indeed!
Nick: Stupidity and ignorance spring to mind here...Give my best to the lovely Heather.
Brian: Having been in a number of situations in which people are genuinely curious and not out to be stupid, socially inept or hurtful, I can definitely point to ineptitude here. I'm not at all certain what this person's original motive may have been, but since he made no attempt to be polite in his response, I really don't care as the effect is the same.
Subby: Hugs to you too!
Steve: Socially ignorant people come in all guises...I hope you're not snowed under?
Jazz: Unfortunately, that isn't the most bizarre that I've encountered...I think the woman throwing coins at me from her car epitomizes bizarre. I should have been a good little American capitalist and kept them, or perhaps asked the woman for a few bills...(if you knew me, you'd know this is so not me...I'm more the Greens/Socialist...)
Mike: Thanks for your bit of rambling...I think though that people use ideas such as you describe as excuses for stupid or boorish behaviour when they are just plain ignorant or too lazy intellectually to work things out...
MEGAN!
I think though that people use ideas such as you describe as excuses for stupid or boorish behaviour
I fear I set the wrong tone in my comment. I didn't mean my rambling to rationalize or excuse stupid or boorish behavior. Clearly such behavior is wrong however it is arrived at. I was simply speculating on how people might end-up thinking in these (obviously absurd) ways.
The theory presented wasn't developed with prejudice in mind at all, and does have a lot of neurological and psychological data to support it.
Being in Massachusetts people are always in a hurry but will stop and point out human deficiencies. Mom is legally blind and takes a bit longer at the grocery check-out( especially when I end up counting out change for her )..Sod off to the bloke behind her...he can get in another line if he's in a hurry...you can imagine the frustrated looks she gets, I'm sure...and more hugs!
Are you looking for work? Must be difficult. I find perceptions about age just as debilitating from an employer's point of view as interviewing in a wheelchair. I can almost understand the man's question (not his laughter) but the tossing of coins? Bizarre.
ODD! I get so tired of people's attitudes and preconceived notions about my disability -- it'll happen to all of us sooner or later, people...you were gracious..
Life is full of some very stupid and truly ignorant people. I believe in karma and what goes around comes around...the scale will balance.
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