A new chapter...

For the first time in twenty years, I have only one pet in the household. Throughout his eleven years with me, this cat has never been solo and is not sure what to think of this situation. He vacillates from enjoying my attention to walking around meowing without any apparent provocation. I know he is mourning, and as creatures of routine, cats generally do not enjoy the world as they know it changing.

The other unanticipated aspect of this sudden alteration in domesticity is that I verge on becoming a neurotic cat parent. He has hit the magic number fifteen which is the average lifespan in years for a domestic cat in this country, and I am now hyper-attentive to his appetite, sleep, box habits, play and moods, lest I miss any sign of slowly developing illness.

Having spoken to his veterinarian, I know that it is not uncommon for older cats to develop chronic conditions rapidly, as was the case with my sixteen-year-old female, who in September, had a blood work up and received a clean bill of health, as did he. The second tidbit here is that cats can mourn for extended periods, and not eating can trigger liver problems. Additionally, being awakened at four in the morning by a sentient creature pleading for attention or food repeatedly is exhausting. I've toughed this out twice already and will do so again as there is no choice. Both of our reactions are also quite common and I know that things will eventually settle into a new rhythm here.

On a happier note, Thanksgiving weekend was lovely and included wonderful food, friends and an outing to a nearby park and nature center. This is the perfect time of year for parks as they are neither too hot nor too crowded. The fresh air and boardwalk did wonders for my malaise. Wishing everyone a good week.

Thanksgiving...

I've always viewed Thanksgiving as a happy segue to the end of the year and while I will enjoy sharing food and time with dear friends at their home, the sense of buoyancy is noticeably missing. Lack of sleep and stress certainly play a role there, but there is something more and it is very frightening: A feeling of trepidation that I've been unable to shake.

This country is morphing into a place I no longer recognize as a safe place to call home. Having lived through the eighties and known people who died as a direct result of government policies, having marched both in Washington and my State capitol, written letters to politicians and officials of every stripe, campaigned and spoken out at every available opportunity, I am devastated to see the potential undoing of all of that.

When legislators speak about gutting Social Security and Medicare as well as our safety net for the poor, the direct consequence of those actions mean that some of us will die, and having reached a point in my life at which I no longer earn and put in, but withdraw Social Security and use Medicare, my life and well being are under threat. I am also disabled and have been mocked in public, female and have been reduced to body parts by a man who should never come near a position of leadership let alone the presidency of this country. As a Jew, I am frightened not of my Muslim neighbors but our coming fascist, white supremacist, racist leadership.

When friends glibly say that they will fight, I wonder how because it seems that what is more likely to happen is that people will hunker down, shrink into the background and not make waves. It will be interesting to see the tipping point between fear and frustration.

Tomorrow, I will hope that the solace of good friends is enough because beyond the myths that people tell themselves about this being a great country, friends are all that remain.